Sharing means caring - this is one of the most important rules a child can learn when growing up. Teaching your child how to share will make him or her well-loved by other people around them and can help in developing better relationships with friends and those that come into their life, whether that be a day, a week, a month or a lifetime.
Kids naturally think that once they have something in their hands, it can be considered theirs and theirs alone. Surely they must know their infantile legal rights where possession is deemed nine tenths of the law! “It's mine!” you hear them cry. Keep in mind, if your child lives in an environment where they see people doing the same thing, they will grow up thinking that it's really no big deal. Remember, the old monkey see, monkey do adage? Children have difficulty sharing, especially young children. This is a normal part of the development process.
I recall once when grand-daughter Keshini was around two she insisted that I carry her. While her older cousins were playing nearby she attracted their attention by thumping my back and yelling: “Hey! Mine! This mine!” Her cousins gave me the charge hugging my waist and countering her claim. It ended in hilarity and laughs all round.
Knowing and accepting this is the first step in helping your child grow up to be a generous person. The power to possess is a natural part of the child's growing awareness. During the second and third years, as the child goes from oneness to separateness, this little person works to establish an identity separate from mother. “I do it myself!” and “mine!” scream the headlines in the toddler's tabloid mind. In fact, “mine” is one of the earliest words to come out of a toddler's mouth. The growing child develops attachments to things as well as persons. This ability to form strong attachments is important to being an emotionally healthy person.
The one-year-old has difficulty sharing her mommy; the two-year-old has difficulty sharing her teddy bear. Some children get so attached to a toy that the raggedy old doll becomes part of the child's self. When asked to draw a picture of herself, four-year-old Moya would always include her doll - as if it were part of her body. Can you imagine convincing her to share this doll with a playmate? It was too important. She could not feel safe and secure if that doll was being handled by another child.
It pays dividends to start them young. From the time your child can grasp an object, you can teach sharing by passing the object back and forth while saying “my turn, your turn.” Learning how to take turns is the first step in sharing.
True sharing implies empathy, the ability to get into another's mind and see things from their viewpoint. Children are seldom capable of true empathy under the age of six. Prior to that time they share because you condition them to do so. Don't expect a child less than two or 21/2 to easily accept sharing. Children under two are into parallel play - playing alongside other children, but not with them.
They care about themselves and their possessions and do not think about what the other child wants or feels. But, given guidance and taught munificence, the selfish two-year-old can become a generous three or four-year-old. As children begin to play with each other and cooperate in their play, they begin to see the value of sharing and its advantages.
While we don't expect toddlers to be able to share, we must use every opportunity we can to encourage taking turns. Teach your children how to communicate their needs to friends. Say something like, “When Carmilla is all done with the bike, then you can ride it. Ask her when she will be done” or “Hold out your hand and wait; she'll give you the doll when she's ready.”
When a toy squabble begins, sometimes it's wise not to rush in and interfere. Give children time and space to work it out among themselves. Stay on the sidelines and observe the struggle.If the group dynamics are going in the right direction and the children seem to be working the problem out among themselves it would be wise to remain a bystander. If the situation is deteriorating, intervene. Self-directed learning - with or without a little help from caregivers - has the most lasting value.
But, if your child lives in an environment where people share and speak to them about how important it is to share, they will grow up believing it is a natural occurrence. And if they see the enjoyment you have of sharing with other people, you will find the same attitude will be instilled in your child.
Teaching your child how to share can be fun. You don't think so? Well make it fun! After all, children learn by watching others, and as your child's special role model you can do it in simple ways. For example: Share what you have with your child, as an instance, if you are munching on your favorite chocolate.
At the same time, tell them why you did it and how they can do the same in similar situations with their friends. Have a special story ready to tell them about sharing. Make it funny but ensure it has a special moral about someone who didn't share and what the consequences were.
Don't forget to compliment your child when they share. Say “thank you” or “very good.” It will encourage them to share more often if they know they are appreciated and valued because of it. Etiquette is all about building good relationships. Children need to learn how to act in ways that are respectful, considerate, and honest - the fundamental principles of etiquette and building strong relationships with family and friends.
But how young can we go? Can toddlers learn concepts like respect and consideration? While toddlers may not understand principles and concepts, children this age can learn some basic behaviour patterns that are fundamental to developing strong relationships. Most three year olds, for example, are able to understand that sharing and caring make the other person feel good.
They know this because they can see the smiles that sharing and caring bring. A smile is concrete. Toddlers can see the results of positive behaviour in the smiles. And they can identify with the feeling they get from making someone else smile - it makes them smile too. It will take much patience, repetition, and good modeling on your part to teach your toddlers to share and care. But hang in there. It's well worth it.
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