[APPRECIATIONS - (10-02-2020)] | Daily News


[APPRECIATIONS - (10-02-2020)]

Dora Edirisinghe

Beloved mother

Darling Amma, the irreplaceable anchor in my life;

You were the air that I breathed; the reason I survived.

Now you are gone; my life has no meaning.

In the arms of the angels, may you find comfort!

Amma Dora, the core of my very existence, left eight years ago; reducing my life to Ground Zero. Oh no, I wasn’t merely loved—but absolutely adored—by my only affectionate guardian. In the stillness of the night, I often ponder: what went wrong? Did I deserve to be dealt by such a cruel blow? Why was my Salve Regina veiled from my sight; and withheld from my embrace? Time takes away the edge of grief, but Memory turns back every leaf.

My precious Amma was truly an angel sent by Jesus to protect and defend her only child. I was An infant of 10 days when I first accompanied Amma to the hospital; Tuesday, March 6, 2012, at 7.39 p.m., was the 21st time. Little did I know Jesus was softly calling my custodian; and she was flying on “The Wings Of Glory” back to Heaven.

I am dismayed and distraught without her soothing arms that used to gently calm the thunder in my heart. “My Harbour In Life’s Storm” went, leaving me on this damned earth to face a cold, harsh and insensitive world.

However, I experienced Jesus’ love in Lakmal, Uditha, Sanjaya, and Samanthi; who’s unconditional and unstinted care, concern, and support, comforted and consoled me; proving that the diligent doctors (at the NHSL) are my family I could lean on during any moment of tumult. Dearest Jesus, bless these admirable human beings; for though I haven't seen you, I saw you in each of their faces.

My sweet Amma, didn’t you foresee the devastation severing yourself from me would cause? You abruptly left without saying, “Duva, God bless you,” knowing I was the only one as always by your side in your final moments.

In your semi-conscious state, you responded to my voice; then why couldn’t you open your loving eyes, one last time, to see the horrifying experience your Duva, all alone, was going through? Hopelessly, I kept kissing the soles of your feet as you slipped away. Sanjaya and the nurses saw me going numb at the very moment; that merciless, deadly tornado that hit me.

Where were you, Jesus, when my world stopped turning at 1.15 a.m., Friday, March 9, 2012? Why couldn’t you spare my devoted Amma a few more years? The parting was sudden; too bitter to forget; the blow too hard, the shock severe.

At night, when shadows are falling and others think I sleep; I weep, asking “My lovable Amma, why did you go and leave me orphaned?” The anguish that’s in my shattered heart; no human eye can ever trace, for its hidden beneath a child-like smiling face.

Those who honestly loved my idol and respected the privacy of her only child; are the ones who will cherish her memory.Amma and I always travelled in the same vehicle...Only, this time, it was to the crematorium, at 3.00 p.m. I, her orphan, still in a state of shock, pressed that button. With a tormented mind and soul, and none to soothe me, less than 24 hours later, I was back at my Amma’s home.

Adorable Amma, I love you so much; and miss you even more. I feel so empty—lost and lonely—without you. A very special and important place is vacant in our home; a vacuum that can never be filled.

If tears could build a stairway, and memories, a lane;

I’d walk right up to heaven, and bring you back again

No one will ever know what it means to lose you; we were not just mother and daughter, but Siamese Twins joined from head to toe. So, how can I move on? You often said, "Duva, unleash your potential. By overcoming challenges and shattering barriers, once your goals are achieved, embrace the success you deserve."

Mirror of my soul, my heart is heavy as lead; my secret tears still flow like an ocean. Every time I picture your beautiful face, you seem to smile and tenderly say, “Don’t cry, my daughter... I am only sleeping. We’ll meet again, and walk the streets of Heaven.”

Amazing Amma, you left an echo, whispering softly down the ways. My Guardian Angle’s warm, boundless, and undying love for her only child; shall be an Eternal Flame on the alter of my heart! To her, nothing was a sacrifice; only an act of love.

My wonderful Amma, your life is past; but my love for you, till the end, will last. Your soul shall constantly be with your orphan, shielding her from harm. The nurture I received whilst in your care, will continue to direct me forever. I was guided by example, not by precept; never thwarted, but given complete freedom.

Amma, the Queen of my Heart, had grace in her steps and heaven in her eyes. She was the epitome of gentleness; valour, strength, integrity and honour were her clothing.

Amma's sincerity touched the lives of others. Alas this rare, unique, and precious treasure was too valuable to be kept in a vicious world. Amma, now you belong to Heaven, where your fragrance forever shall stay.

My journey in this world continues... Whatever my needs and fears, there are two people watching me from a distance. They are holding me in their arms of love. I don’t have to accomplish great things to be accepted by them; my Amma, and Jesus.


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