We have all had our encounters with at least one self-centred person in our lives. No matter where you go on any given day, there is a good chance you will bump into insensitive, blatantly disrespectful or demanding behaviour by someone who considers himself or herself the most important person in the world.
Just ask them! Many a time you are bound to cross paths with people who are stuck on themselves, intolerant of people different from them, rude or downright conceited. These people can be a great source of potential pain to everyone around them.
Arrogance and smugness is often a reflection of limited life experience and feeling concerned that those with greater life experience 'have got something over them'. Rather than seeking to find out more through questions and learning conceited people tend to generalise from their limited, narrow life experiences and try to impose their small worldview on others.
The first piece of advice for dealing with such people is to try to stay away from them, or to leave them at a healthy distance. That may sound easy but could prove a far dodgier prospect from a practical point of view.
What I am trying to emphasise is that it all depends largely on the relationship. If the offender happens to be your spouse, a close family member or your boss you will obviously have to deal with the problem in a far more understanding and sympathetic way.
Most of the time, these individuals display unmitigated arrogance. Basically, arrogance can indicate an excessive need for self-importance and wanting to be the centre of attention. In its extreme form, such delusional behaviour can turn into narcissism. Narcissistic personality disorder is characterised by dramatic, emotional behaviour, which is in the same category as antisocial and borderline personality disorders.
Its symptoms may include: Believing that you are better than others. Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness. Exaggerating your achievements or talents. Expecting constant praise and admiration. Believing that you are special and acting accordingly. Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings. Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans. Taking advantage of others. Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior. Being jealous of others and believing that others are jealous of you.
It could be the root of many problems, from anxiety to depression to the inability to sustain healthy and fulfilling relationships. While normal levels of self-worth, self-confidence and self-value are all essential for people who want to live normally, there is a thin line between these characteristics and being arrogant.
A narcissist is someone who is concerned exclusively with oneself and seeking one’s own pleasure or well being without any regard for others. They also have an exaggerated sense of self- importance, lack of empathy, a belief that they are special with a sense of entitlement, requiring excessive admiration, showing arrogant or haughty behaviour and taking advantage of others to achieve their own needs.
Differentiating between selfishness and narcissism is important because selfish people can change, and narcissists typically won’t. When most selfish persons realise they are causing discomfort to others they can choose to do something to avoid it. But a full-blown narcissist finds it impossible to change.
If you live, or work with a narcissist, then you know what it is like when they are unhappy. The reaction can be anything from anger and acting up to pouting and giving everyone in their presence the silent treatment. They have no problem letting everyone else know how we have all disappointed them. If you think you are dealing purely with a selfish person, you may safely tell them about their frailties.
If you are clear and your requests are consistently ignored, you might well be dealing with a narcissist. The narcissist doesn’t understand that you may have needs, and they often don’t think your needs are important, particularly when compared with theirs. If you find that you may be dealing with a genuine narcissist, you may want to seek help in dealing with them, or managing to live with them. Certainly it can be extremely difficult.
Arrogant people take too many measures to protect their self-image. Their universe is usually the frog-in the-well type small and petty. Their friendship is mostly about quantity not quality. They can be charming, but have an agenda. Their agenda is to find an ego feeder.
They may have found ways to attract a lot of people into their small-minded world, but usually only the ones who feed into their arrogance. They feel incomplete. That is why they use other people to fill up the inner gap.
They are intolerant of differences. They devalue others and put them at a lesser position. They lack the ability to feel confidence internally, and instead find a sensation of superiority by seeing others as inferior. In addition, they can't see different viewpoints. They usually have points of views that are fanatically inflexible and opinionated
Although certain features of narcissistic personality disorder may seem like having confidence or strong self-esteem, it is not really the same. Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence and self-esteem into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal. In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem do not value themselves more than they value others.
When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolise conversations. You may put down or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement. And when you do not receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry. You may insist on having the best of everything, for instance the best car, clothes, medical care or social circles.
But scratch the facade underneath all this behaviour often lies a fragile self-esteem. You have trouble handling anything that may be perceived as criticism. You may have a sense of secret shame and humiliation. And in order to make yourself feel better, you may react with rage or contempt and efforts to belittle the other person to make yourself appear better.
We never know but we ourselves might be suffering from the same disorder while naturally not being able to admit it. When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may not want to think that anything could be wrong. That is because doing so would not by any means fit with your self-image of power and perfection.
But by definition, a narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of your life, such as relationships, work, school or your financial affairs. You may be generally unhappy and confused by a mix of seemingly contradictory emotions. Others may not enjoy being around you, and you may find your relationships unfulfilling.
If you notice any of these problems in your life, consider reaching out to a trusted doctor or mental health provider. Getting the right treatment can help make your life more rewarding and enjoyable.
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