A survey was conducted a couple of years ago in Switzerland with one hundred participants - men, women and the youth of all ages - to find out three main problems that make them unhappy. All of them gave three different reasons, but 78 of them had stated one common reason that was responsible for having eluded them of their happiness. That common reason was ‘Loneliness’. While analyzing the causes of loneliness, a gamut of interesting, but at the same time, very sad information was revealed by the participants.
Children said they felt lonely because their parents had little time for them. The teenagers - the community that is in focus in our country for wrong reasons, and is omnipresent these days in various crisis situations than ever before - felt misunderstood and alienated from their elders.
There was also the loneliness within the marriage bond, where either or both spouses felt estranged from their partners, even while living together in the most intimate of relationships. Most poignant of all the rest was the loneliness of the middle-aged and the aged individuals, who felt useless and unwanted. Such information substantiates that loneliness strikes without regard to age, place or condition.
Dr. Paul Tournier, the eminent Swiss psychiatrist, who supervised the said survey declared at the end that “Loneliness is the most devastating malady that has affected people of all ages.” We, in Sri Lanka, in our unparalleled wisdom, might argue that ‘it may be the case of Swiss, that is not our cup of tea, because, in Sri Lanka, we are a unique nation of people, who need not feel lonely, since we have so many things to engage in and feel happy.’ We can only congratulate them for their vision.
Loneliness and aloneness
It has been scientifically proved that loneliness is the seed condition from which sprouts a host of other problems which inhibits the spirit of the modern man and woman. The opinion of most medical experts is that ‘there is no human condition so acute or so universal’. The mal-effects of loneliness seep deeply into many of our most vexing problems. Various studies on loneliness have proved that most people seeking help due to their feelings of loneliness. Another study indicated that loneliness had triggered many people to make decisions to take extreme action of committing suicide.
We have to distinguish between loneliness and aloneness, as they are far from the same. Aloneness can bring on loneliness and often it does. But, it necessarily need not. Some of the most active and productive people themselves be alone most of their time. But they have learned to use their solitude creatively. Even biologically, we need periods of aloneness. It helps us to generate more physical and spiritual strength to face our more crowded workloads. If and when we do not act in such manner, it may tend to drive us towards loneliness.
Psychological condition
Unlike when an external factor like a germ or a virus is instrumental in making us sick, our sickness of loneliness is created by our own self, because it involves our mental faculty. In other words, our loneliness is felt in our mind, and it is a mental or a psychological condition, which has nothing to do with any physical part of our body. Therefore, we can argue that our loneliness is the result of what we do or do not do, how we behave or how we do not behave and so on. So, it is a case of our attitudes, our thoughts and our deeds, that creates our loneliness on one hand, and will help us to shun the illusion of loneliness, on the other hand.
However, there are a number of methods we can follow to rid of us the feelings of loneliness. Here are some of them:
Finding our tribe: Selecting like-minded friends with common interests. All of us will then be open, proactive and creative and will work towards the same purpose, thereby impacting on our attitudes, thoughts and deeds, leaving no room for loneliness.
Seeking true friends: Our being surrounded by many people does not help us to get out of loneliness. We need at least one close, trustworthy and reliable friend. Then only a closeness between us will mature, which in turn helps both parties to care about each other in a meaningful way, and drive loneliness of each other out of bounds.
Tap into our compassion: Compassion is a great human quality, though rarely exhibited these days. But if we practice compassion first towards our own self and then towards others, we will be kept busy and positively engaged most of the times. Thus we shall have no time to be lonely and feel the distress of loneliness. All existing religions teach us to be compassionate. So it is more or less mandatory.
Be with nature: Nature and its varied resources are a great remedy for all kinds of human ailments. Their beauty, the potential and the intervention with human life are all of enormous efficacy, so much so, that they can create many alternatives to replace the feelings of loneliness. A walk on the beach, a picnic to a nearby park, a hike to the woods help us to enjoy the beauty around us. We watch, listen and breathe the air and experience the grace of the fauna and flora and the wonders of Mother Nature.
Practice gratitude: In order to keep our mind busy and engaged in some virtuous activity, because loneliness is a mind and mentality based condition, it will be very pertinent and helpful to think of those with gratitude who helped us to build our life. Caring for another person will make us feel connected and happy that we were able to help the needy or nurture someone in difficulty. All such details will keep our mind occupied, leaving no room for loneliness.
“People think being alone makes you lonely, but don’t think that is true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.”
- William Shakespeare
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