Battling for half the sky

The equality illusion:

Aditha DISSANAYAKE

It is said that at a seminar held in a five star hotel, last year, coinciding with the International Women's Day, an illustrious and highly-accomplished panelist asked the audience of mostly women, how many of them had got pregnant while employed.

About three fourths of the audience raised their hands. When asked how many felt that their companies had given them extra support to help them deal with this phase in their life, only three or four hands went up.

Most women, had they been in the audience that day, would not have raised their hands at the second question, either. Not because their employers did not treat them well after they had their baby, but because they quit before they could find out.

Women's liberation

Like the career woman I used to know, the Features Editor of a newspaper, who interviewed foreign diplomats, constantly cracked her brains trying to think of attractive headlines and nagged her colleagues to meet strict deadlines.

After her daughter was born she found herself debating about returning to work. Even though her daughter seemed to be happy in the company of the temporary nanny, she could not bring herself to leave her baby in the care of an outsider possibly for ten or more hours a day. The scales tipped the day she quite shamefully realized she did not want a stranger intruding between her daughter and herself. Absorbed by a sense of possessiveness probably dating back to the stone ages, she quit, and began her "second life", working as a freelance writer from home.

She knew, when she made this decision she stood on the line of fire of all the feminists campaigning for women's liberation, especially on a day when the whole world is celebrating International Women's Day. How could she squash, so carelessly, the triumphs of the feminist movement to free women from their homes and be financially independent?

Her only excuse is, she didn't quit completely. As full-time work was too much and complete idleness, too unimaginable, she found an acceptable compromise.

In doing so she felt she was being half a wife, but holding on to at least half a life too.

She knew she was lucky, lucky in that her profession allowed her to work from home.

So far as there is a phone, an internet connection with satisfactory speed and a computer, she could write to her hearts content and if she was lucky, find someone to pay her for what she enjoyed doing.

She knew there are many others who are not so lucky. Like the women at the seminar last year who had to return to work after childbirth and who had little support from their employers with regard to maternity leave.

According to Prof. Niranjanie Ratnayake, a senior Professor in Civil Engineering, the first ever female Associate Professor, and Senior Professor of Engineering (any discipline) in the Sri Lankan university system, though a girl child in Sri Lanka is not as disadvantaged as those in most other developing countries as society does not seem to make any distinction between sons and daughters, particularly with respect to education, when it comes to the world of work, the situation is drastically different.

"The competition does not seem to be fair, not only where the physical strength is a criterion, but even in jobs where the brain is the main factor," says Prof. Ratnayake. She feels it is unfair that in most offices the male employers expect their female subordinates to give more than 100 percent to the work, but complain if their wives get late to come home from office, or have to work overtime due to some work related matter.

Several choices

The stock statement of the husband after marriage "you stay at home and look after the family and I'll do the earning is totally unfair," observes Prof. Ratnayake.

"I think the same culture that gives us a tremendous advantage over women in other cultures, seems to work against us here, because we women also hold the view that we have to be there for our families while holding a decent job and earning an income. This increases the demand on our time, leading to frustration at the workplace as well as at home."

The woman is often driven to make several choices. Prof. Ratnayake lists three - a) to leave the job, however well educated and qualified she may be, b) to put off marriage or put off having children up to a point that it becomes rather too late to marry and start a family; c) do both, but with varying degrees of success of the balancing act.

Prof. Ratnayake wonders how many men would make this kind of choice.

Not many.

Even though much has changed in the 101 years since one million women took to Europe's streets for the first International Women's Day demanding the right to work, the vote and an end to discrimination, and today, even as wives, mothers, sisters and daughters echo their spirit, joining rallies and celebrations across much of the globe to commemorate the day, one thing is clear: much has yet to change.

Legal rights

In an address marking International Women's Day 2011, Michelle Bachelet, the first executive director of UN Women, asked "How would those 'courageous pioneers' view the world today? And gave the answer herself, "I suspect ... with a mixture of pride and disappointment".

She admitted "The last century has seen an unprecedented expansion of women's legal rights and entitlements. And (this) advancement of women's rights can lay claim to be one of the most profound social revolutions the world has seen", but added "despite this progress over the last century, the hopes of equality expressed on that first International Women's Day are a long way from being realized."

Perhaps those hopes will never be realized. At any rate, not till women realize 'equal' does not mean 'the same'.

"Women hold up half the sky", is a saying heard in China, where today is a holiday, but only for women. Half the sky is surely enough. Especially if you believe in writer Robert Brault's words "The male wants to be valued for what he pretends to be. The female wants to be overvalued for what she truly is." But, at least on this special day, appreciate the women in your life. After all as Joseph Conrad said "being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men."

aditha.dissanayake@gmail.com